But for the first 100 people, that's your good fortune.
Send me up to 1,000 words. Your recording goes into the production queue in the order it arrives.
PUT ME IN THE QUEUE — $10Need it sooner? Your recording goes into the priority queue, ahead of the standard orders.
PUT ME AT THE HEAD OF THE LINE — $20For $10, I will professionally record anything you send me up to 1,000 words — approximately seven minutes or less.
A Shakespeare sonnet. A love letter. A prayer. A company announcement. A bedtime story. A page from something you wrote. The phone book. A Doonesbury sonnet, should such a thing exist.
Or the entire known collection of demonstrably true statements posted on social media during the last few years — assuming we can locate all three of them.
Basically: if it's printable, legal, suitable for Sunday School, and under 1,000 words, I'll record it.
There are only 100 customers in this little experiment. When number 100 is sold, this page disappears and I regain whatever small portion of my business judgment remains.
Because I have a very large car repair bill that needs to become a considerably smaller car repair bill rather quickly.
And rather than simply asking for help, I'd much rather make you an absurdly good deal.
A professionally recorded reading — two takes — of your supplied text, delivered as an audio file.
You supply the words. I supply the voice, interpretation, recording, and more than four decades of experience trying to make words sound as though somebody actually meant them.
Shakespeare's Sonnet 29. You'll sound real and human and deeply wise — and like the biggest fan of whomever you send it to.
No? Fine. Surprise me.
Fill this out, choose your place in line, and submit it. Then you'll be taken to payment.